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| Yeah. Guess I sold out and posted the stupid advertisement that Xanga offered in exchange for those points I'm never going to use. Oh well. Everybody sells out at some point, it seems.
I'm tired of this whole WWW.stupidstuff.no-human-interaction.com thing tho. Why do our lives, for those of us that this applies to, revolve around the damn internet? Things like facebook are great, and things like Xanga USED to be great, (and myspace is ok), but sometimes it feels only that the internet in general and AIM (or whatever instant-chat-thingy you may use) is just a substitute for human interaction, an excuse for us people who are "too busy" to just stay "too busy," not get off our asses (literally for once, since one usually internets in a chair, and yes I did just turn a noun into a verb), and SEE each other?
I'm not ignorant, believe me, of the fact that for many people this is our only option to really talk to one another. Sophia's in Philadelphia; Peder's in Oregon; Doug's in California, and who knows where Gen Trieu is (I am praying for you tho, Gen.  ). But I feel cheated by this thing that also helps us. I feel more challenged (sometimes at least) in terms of talking to my friends, even when I'm right next to them in real God-blessed life, because we're so used to just talking online for a few minutes, "poking" each other mindlessly (it's mindless for me anyway), and basically depending on our typed words to make the first impression, and all other forthcoming impressions, for us.
The realist in me tells me that this is how life is, but the rest of me wants to scream, "There's GOT to be a better way!" For as much as I appreciate the internet, text messages, and the mindless facebook-poke, I miss the way it used to be for me at college, when I could see virtually any of my friends, any time that I wanted (provided we were both not-busy and there was always SOME time for that). Life's too damn short. I'm scared of dying even though I know I'm a Christian; but while I'm alive I don't want to forget how to really, REALLY INTERACT with my friends!
Alright, it's 3am. Don't take this as a "meltdown" or "woe is me" kind of note. I'm just doing some reflecting; that's all. That said, any comments are always appreciated.  You know what, maybe I'm not so much decrying the internet (and humanity's drug-like dependency on it) as much as asking, be it to God or to my friends, for a reason/chance to decrease said/hinted-at dependency.
Thanks for reading/"listening," friends.
--Russ.
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| (this is from the funeral home. I am typing it out now verbatim so that those who couldn't see it for one reason or another (*aheam, sophia!*), can see it. It's about 4 pages, single-spaced, so bear with me)
I've been asked to give a little overview of Louis' life. I'll inject a few of my own memories along the way if you don't mind. Our family wants everyone to know that Louis, despite his special needs, had a very full and valuable life. He was as much a part of our family as any of us and we never looked at Louis as a burden to us. He was just Louie, the way God made him.
Louis was born August 17th, 1950, a seemingly health eight-and-a-half-pound baby boy. He walked and talked and did other things all infants and toddlers do but by the time he reached school age, it was apparent that he would not be able to be put into a regular school curriculum. He attended Elim Christian Schools for the handicapped for a time, transported by station wagon every day to Palos Heights with other children from the area. Later, after having three more boys added to the family, life became too hectic for Louis and his special needs and he lived for about four years at the Children's Retreat in Grand Rapids, MI which was a Christian home for the mentally challenged. When he was twelve, after they worked with him, he was better able to cope with normal family life and came back home to live. He lived at home until he was in his late twenties and then went to Bethshan, a residential home for the mentally and physically handicapped sponsored by the Christian Reformed Church, to live. My parents, with other people who had adult children with special needs were among the people who organized and opened Bethshan on th grounds of Elim Christian Schools. Louis was among the original residents of Bethshan. Until about 2002, Louis was very healthy physically. At that time he started having a series of strokes and seizures which took their tool on his physical well-being. The last time he was able to go out of Bethshan with my parents was in 2004. The care he received at Bethshan both before and after his physical problems was second to none. As you can see, we received help from many people and organizations during Louis' life. My brothers will speak more to that later.
Louis always had his own unique personality. Although he always required constant care, he was easy to care for, always obedient and cooperative. He was happy as a child and as an adult. Louis, like most people with special needs, was more comfortable with a routine. We had to allow more time for some things, and the more structured life was, the better he liked it. We always felt he could understand more than he could express and at times that led to some frustration. By his actions, we learned to tell whether he was hurt, didn't feel well, or wanted something because he lacked the verbal skills to express himself. When he was done eating, it was always, "that's enough." In fact, two of our former babysitters went to work in special education after caring for Louis.
Louis was always an integral part of our family. When he was very young, he enjoyed my Grandparent's farm riding on the tractor and doing farm chores. My brothers and I always looked out for Louis. My parents never sheltered him from others and as we grew up ad friends came over we all included Louis in as much as we could. Everyone was always very good and kind to him. As the family grew and we got married and had children of our own, everyone accepted Louis for who he was. All our wives were always very acceptant of Louis as well. As the grandchildren got older, they all recognized that Uncle Louis was special and were always kind and respectful of him. He enjoyed them all, knew their names, and was happy to see them. When they were babies he would like to hold them but you had to watch him because when he had enough he would just say "that's enough" and push them off his lap. Some of the grandkids got some special names that no matter how old they got they would never change. From my family, Erin even though she was in her 20s was always "honey bunch." Christopher was always too hard for Lou so he'd just nod when you asked him Chris's name. Joel, no matter how old he gets will always be "Baby Joel," usually with a laugh to follow. I'm sure my brothers have similar stories about their kids.
Louis had many hobbies and interests, just like anyone else. When he was very young, he used to ride his tricycle around the block. Remember this was fifty years ago and neighborhoods were safer then. Everyone knew him and looked out for him. One day, he missed one of the corners and we could not find him and he ended up being found by the police several miles from the house after crossing many busy intersections and even crossing the Eisenhower Expressway. He just never saw the corner he recognized so he kept on going straight. His guardian angels were watching over him that day. He loved sports. When he became older he would shoot a basketball for hours on end. Of course, don't try to move him from his special spot because before you knew it, he was back to his spot. When he was younger he used to pitch a baseball against the walls by our house. He could throw a fastball strike every time. When we were younger and wanted to play a game, we figured we had the perfect designated pitcher in Louis but every time you stood in front of him with a bat, he would pitch underhand. Like I said, he liked his routine and sometimes you could not get him to change. He loved to watch the Cubs and every player who hit a homerun was Ernie Banks. Along with other Bethshan residents, he would attend different sporting events and Special Olympics from which he had many ribbons and medals. He loved Wisconsin vacations. He loved riding in our boat and always had his special seat. Nancy may have a story about that if you ask her. He was the perfect 'spotter' for pulling skiers. He knew all the boating rules. One time we had friends up to the lake and we were going through one of the channels between the lakes which were 'no wake' zones. I guess he figured the boat coming at us was going a little too fast and after barely saying a word all day, he stood up pointing his finger and said "You better slow down there." I think the people with us were ready to jump out of the boat, they were that shocked. Later he would enjoy fishing with my Dad and actually did pretty good because of his patience. He would float on a raft or go for rides in the canoe with my Mom while everyone was enjoying the lake. Like I said before, he was just part of everything we did. One day, we were on the lake in the winter. We were ice fishing or something and some of the kids were riding around on snowmobiles on the lake. We had one running where we were standing and I guess Louis decided that he had enough of riding in the back and figured he should drive. He got on the thing, hit the gas, and away he went with my Dad and me frantically running after him. Joel was riding around on the lake and noticed that it was Louis on the snowmobile and took off after him. He only caught up with him after he had gone all the way across the lake, up onto the bank, and run into a small tree. Joel found Louis standing next to the snowmobile saying, "PHEW!" Needless to say, that was another episode for his guardian angels.
Louis also, in his own way, had a faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. He attended church and Sunday schools from a very young age through his entire life until he could not because of his physical condition. Louis was always accepted for who he was at Faith Church and our family has always been grateful for that. I remember at Christmastime he'd say "Jesus Christ is born." At Easter and at other times it was "Christ died for our sins." One of his favorite pastimes was to listen to records. He spent many days and nights listening to the old hymns and other music. It seemed to be a very calming influence in his life. He had many favorite hymns, some of which we have sung today such as "I Know That My Redeemer Lives."
Thanks for your patience. I hope you feel you know Lou a little better than you did before. As I said at the beginning, don't feel bad for our family or for Louis himself because of his disability. He led a full life and we always enjoyed him. Even though his body and mind deteriorated in recent years, he always had his spirit. As sick as he was in his later years, you always felt he knew you when you were with him. As you can see from some of these stories, God watched over him his whole life. I believe that today, Louis has a new body along with a new mind. For the first time, he understands things he could not his whole life. His life had purpose and meaning and now he is Home forever in heaven with all the saints from all the ages.
Thanks again.
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| 1) We wouldn't be allowed to exercise heavily, because heavy exercise causes heavy breathing, which increases the amount of carbon dioxide released into the environment. Also, breathing would be regulated in some cases to avoid overpollution.
Meaning!: The end of all sports and jogging. Only walking and only carpooling are acceptable forms of transportation.
2) Prisoners would be sentenced to X amount of years planting trees, so they could give back to their environment. (They just wouldn't be allowed to work too hard or too fast, because otherwise that would defeat the purpose--see #1)
Meaning!: ...what are you, stupid? We'd have a hell of a lot more "haunted" forests because eventually the prisoners planting the trees would figure out a way to escape and all those trees we planted would allow for excellent hiding places!
3) No more war in Iraq because war is very very very very very very very very VERY VERY VERY VERY BAD for the environment!
Meaning!: Oil prices would probably skyrocket, but that's okay because only walking and carpooling are allowed. Also, the Iraqis would take over the world, because America would be too environmentally friendly to stand up and fight back! (We would even be too environmentally friendly to dramatically stand up and breathe too hard at the Iraqis who were in the process of taking over the world) As long as they had some way of making all of us, ie the entire nation, plant trees everywhere war had torn them up for the rest of our lives, we would be okay with it.
4) We would somehow have to find another way to clean up after ourselves, because toilet paper is bad for the environment. And so are paper towels. (Just until we figure out how to recycle crappy, urine-y, and booger-y toilet paper. Oh, and wet paper too)
Meaning!: (most of this is too disgusting to seriously consider, however...) People's sleeves and hands would probably get a lot more disgusting when they have colds. Handshakes would become A LOT MORE DANGEROUS! People who have colds would also be forced to breathe a lot less so that their germs would be less allowed to wreak havoc.
5) All movies would be forced to be conducted in earth-friendly ways.
Meaning!: ... Isn't it obvious?? Movies wouldn't be worth watching! Think about it--chases are bad for the environment, unless it involves carpooling (or walking). Sports are already outlawed in the environmentalist-ruled world, and so they're not allowed to be filmed now. Richard Simmons would be permanently out of a job; I guess that would be good (if a few years too late). It means the end of all movies pertaining to war, crime, action, training, sports, and exercise. And what the hell else is there? Oh right--movies that exaggerate the planet's plight. An Inconvenient Truth and all that. Who wants to watch movies like that when we have to worry about nuclear war ending it all????
6) While we're waiting for the world to end, we'd also be forced to buy really expensive things that supposedly help the environment.
Meaning!: While we were waiting for the world to end in nuclear war, there would also be a global recession (worse than the one we have now because at least now we still have a choice to pollute and buy the earth-unfriendly things we can afford).
*whew!* That feels good! Now I hope you all realize I'm mostly exaggerating about all this. But... just in case you can't tell, I think the environmentalists go too far in some cases. So I'll a-talk to you all later. God bless everyone, and don't be too Earth-friendly or -unfriendly! If those electric hand-driers don't work, PLEASE use a paper towel! Although I almost think the sentencing prisoners to plant forests is a good idea, except for the haunted forests' aspect... hm... Oh well.
I really do think it'll be nuclear war, not some freak flood, that will actually end life on earth though. Till then, everyone!
--Russ.
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| So I just woke up from a dream that for some reason I kinda want to blog about, which is weird.
Anyway, I'm at the Jewel-Osco in Palos Heights and having fun playing some weird demo version of an rpg, making fun of little kids that for some reason unremembered to me the cashier wants to see, and also dodging the same cashier because I decided to "try before I buy" a slice of salami. I had every dream-ish intention of buying the salami, don't get me wrong; I was just really hungry. (Actually I think I also pre-buy-tried some bread too to make a sandwich, but that's not that important right now)
Whatever. It so happened that I saw the Elementum standing by the east exit of Jewel, except there were more men there than I remember being in the original Elementum, and I realized that in my dream too, thinking, Hmmm, aren't there too many people here right now? As I walked up to Nathan Leuhr, who was there without Tracy, I said hi to him...
And I saw... HER!
Amanda. AND Luke. My heart stopped for a second (in my dream; I didn't have a sleep heart attack), and before Nathan could answer, AMANDA asked me, "Hey Russ, how's it going?" And I was pissed. I walked away, without answering her, thinking something like, You stupid bitch! I was talking to NATHAN, not YOU! I think Luke also asked me how I was, and I didn't answer him either. (at this point I somehow still had the pre-bought salami. I think it was in my pocket and I had walked up to the Elementum, by the doors, before I could buy it, but anyway).
Then I thought about how overwhelmingly "immature" it was of me to do what I'd just done, so I sighed, rolled my eyes, and stopped just by the door and let Amanda follow me while the others congregated a few feet over (you know, like how they talked in "secret" in old-school sitcoms--they stand over like three feet but the camera zooms on them so you think nobody can hear what they're saying--it was like that.
So I actually forced myself to ask her how she was. And she said she was doing really good. She didn't rub in that she and Luke were doing great, or anything like that, and I don't think I woulda taken it well in my dream if she had.
So then she asked how I was doing, and without giving her details, I said, "You know what? I think I'm doing good. I'm enjoying my life, more or less."
"Good," she smiled (kinda like she did when she was proud of me), "Did... did you ever find anybody... like I did?"
I knew exactly what she meant. At first I had to fight back bitterness as I said, "No." And I looked out at the moon and thought about the circumstances surrounding my last substantial xanga post (how I asked God to show me if He wants me to get married someday, and what He showed me), and then I had to smile as I said, "but... I asked God to show me something about that, and I think He did, so I believe I'll be alright as far as that's concerned."
And then she did something that really pissed me off: she smiled at me, the kind of smile that says, "Aw, you'll never change, will you? Oh well." And she said, "Okay." She used to give me that smile a lot during our relationship (in real life, I mean), and I always knew what it meant. That smile she gave me in my dream took me back to that, and at that point I gave up all hope of talking to her again.
However, before I could walk back to the cashier to pay for my salami, I woke up.
So why the hell do I really want to remember this dream? *shrug* I'm not really sure. Maybe there's a kernel of truth or something like it hidden in it somewhere that I can find and benefit from, like why exactly those kids deserved to be made fun of, who exactly was in the Elementum, or whether or not Amanda had a boy who's going to have his first birthday in just under two months (she said 7 weeks, which is kinda weird to say AFTER the baby's born. Get a clue, you idiot!)--or whether or not that game that I was watching the demo for actually exists so I can play it and/or buy it!! 
Later.
--Russ.
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| everybody hates chris
and maybe i hate everybody
but maybe not | | |
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